My Resume And Resignation

I am qualified to lie
I can secure the account
I can punch a clock
I can torque a wrench
Turn a cheek, twist a screw
Shuck some corn
and fly a kite

I can stack mounds of paper
And squirm in an office
I can shove bricks in a wall
Or another nail in my coffin
I can lift with my legs
Or use my degree
Break my back
And serve you tea

I can shoot a gun
I can shoot for the stars
I can shoot myself in the foot
And get a paycheck for fucking
things up and my boss’s spouse

I can wear camouflage
I can hide in a jungle
I can follow orders
I can pray to God
When I’m down
in the shit

I can drive a taxi
I can drive you crazy
I can drive a hearse
Or chauffeur a Bentley
I can be super drowsy
And operate a forklift
I can be the old timer
working graveyard shifts

I can integrate and differentiate
I can balance an equation
I can do it for science
Or out on vacation
I can cook and clean
I can mop the floor
I can pick broken bottles
out of bathroom urinals

I can walk the picket line
I can walk 9,000 miles
I can walk him right
out of my mind
I can walk out on stage
I can run from myself
I can run away scared
Then return to your house

I can kill some time
I can murder hope
I can heal my cuts
Then watch them scar
I can hike up backwoods trails
I can climb up mountains
I can climb up 30 ft ladders
I can fall for any boy or girl

I can sell beer at rodeos
I can sell records in Japan
I could sell an ipod to a native
If I hadn’t already sold out
I can sleep through life
I can sleep with one eye open
I can sleep outside
for six months straight

I can survey spotted owls
I can change out towels
I can run a fixed bed reactor
I can speak all day to customers
Or talk dirty as a phone sex actor

I can always get a job
But my preference is to split
Leave my boss a final note
Give two weeks and quit

Words By: Cara Feral
Image by: Steve Cutts