Born Shy

When the other kids used to run around
chasing tails, and bouncing spheres
I would sit for hours in the dark outside
Staring at goddesses disguised as shadows
Imagining their silhouettes as placentas
And how they’d feel still attached to me
All my heroines were misfits, cowgirls
famous actresses’ faces and matching clouds

I’d watch how birds and cats talk and act
Taking notes from them on their how-to’s
Move, adapt and survive amongst humans
Then imagine them as my only friends
My best lovers were never actually there
I live on the wrong side of the frosted glass
Of a Norman Rockwell doctor visit painting
And the museum security staff roping it off

I am the stirred guts of a snow globe
A quaquaversal crack tumbling down its sky
Like my fear of God’s judgement, lightning
Funnel clouds, dimly lit backs of parking lots
And the ascending pitch of pop bottle rockets
I envy crows, octopuses and flowers from graves
I begged ancient statues in mountains to come alive
To take my hand and skip me past my one horse town
I’d say just enough to hitch a ride already plotting
A way to convince them to drop me off once away

I am a dreidel spun out under Christmas trees
sparklers and shooting firefly singing tinsel
Sung hymns of madness that come believing
I need to fix the wreckage of impossibilities
My shyness feels like a string tethered to a kite
Its cold fingers coiling and choking my heart
Some days I feel like it is going to rip
it straight out of my pounding chest
And when the winds die down
the only thing keeping it aloft
is the promise of a new day
and a chance to speak up

Words: Cara Feral